But first, an observation on the fact that I'm actually updating this thing somewhat frequently (even though it has only been a short time). I think a big part of the reason is that I'm so far from anyone I know and this is my way to stay connected. Eeeven though people don't read it. It feels like I'm putting myself out there.
50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: 2-10
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
The enlightened answer is probably "never trying", but for me, in some areas I still can't handle failure. Take right now, for example. I'm really struggling to get myself started in this new place, manage my money well, and be on my own. And it's making me sick. Literally. This is my first real time on my own, in a new place and I'm going to be living here, not just staying for a summer, but living, my first time out of college...and I'm expecting myself to do everything perfectly which is so unreasonable. I no it's unreasonable, and yet I spend most of the day with my stomach in knots over the fact that my apartment isn't furnished, I don't have a huge savings account already (you know, since I haven't started work yet...), and I'm having to ask for help. I need to chill! Because failing isn't the worst thing. You learn from failure. You grow. I'm still working on internalizing that though.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Ok, if these questions could be less relevant to my life, that would be awesome. lol. As one who has spent so much time doing things I don't like and liking many things I don't do, I have to say that most people probably don't realize that that's what they're doing. Somehow, whatever it is that they're doing that they don't like, they've convinced themselves is necessary, required, or really more enjoyable than it actually is, and so they push forward, even though they're miserable, and can't figure out why they're miserable. Especially is the fast-paced world of business, technology and science, it's hard to give yourself a chance to step back and reflect on what you want, and how to make your life involve that instead of what you think you're supposed to like or want.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Well, since I'm so far from everything being said and done, I don't know. But Luke would probably tell you that I will definitely have said more cause really, I talk a lot! But most of what I'm saying is thinking out loud, cause that's how I process things. So if we take this question for what it really means (as in, will you have said you'd do more things or more worthy things than what you've actually accomplished), I'm hoping that the answer is no. I have some high hopes for my future, and not just for myself but for the impact I'd like to have on my community, and maybe my country. It would be a real bummer if 30, 40, 50 years from now, I looked back and said "man, I had some great ideas back then, I wish I'd followed through."
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Can I say "people"? It's funny, but really people suck sometimes. And I include myself in that. We come up with so many fantastic ideas for how to make the world better, and then you put people in the mix and we ruin them! Communism, for example, is a great idea on paper! You read about it (not about it in practice, but about what it is as an idea) and you think "wow, this would be way cool!" But then, it's actually implemented and it destroys way more lives than it helps. And politicians!! Oh man. You know that most of them started out with the desire to change the world for the better (for some definition of 'better'), but somehow, the deeper in they get, the more they're in it to succeed. And succeed ceases to mean "do good", it just means "get reelected" or "make the most money" or "get other people to do what you want them to do". It's pretty sad. I guess to be more specific, I'd make people more selfless. If people just spent a little less energy thinking about themselves and a little more considering how their actions impact others, or how their gifts and talents could benefit the bigger picture, instead of just their immediate future, I think a lot of problems would work themselves out.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Photography. Taking care of kittens and children. Educating people, not just children. Swimming. Spending time with my friends. Reading. Helping people. Dancing. Singing. Acting. Sailing. Yoga. Giving people gifts. Challenging myself and others to think creatively and solve problems.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
A little of both, I think. I don't want to do computer science for the rest of my life, because as you can see in the above question, that's not one of the things that makes me happiest. But my job will involve being challenged, thinking creatively and solving problems, and it will help me get to a place where I'm more financially stable and therefor able to pursue the things that make me happiest. So while, at the moment, I'm not teaching and owning a kitty day care, I am doing something that will keep me engaged and I'm in a place where I can do a lot of the other things on that list as well! It works out.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I don't know. If that were true, society would be shaped very differently than it is today, and so the things that impacted me and influenced me to make the decisions I have so far wouldn't have been there. I might have dropped out of high school to do theater. I might have dropped out of high school to run a day care. I might have stayed in school and then immediately become a teacher, or a mother. It's hard to say.
9. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Yes. hehe. I like to think that by doing things right, I will do the right thing. Or at least, that the things that I want to do right are the right thing. Although, sometimes I get so caught up in doing something right that it becomes, in my mind, doing the right thing, and then if I don't do it right, not only is it a bummer, but I feel guilty like I've done the wrong thing. I need to lighten up on myself. I know this.
10. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Hahahahahahahaha. No really, good joke. :) Ah it's so hard to answer that because on the one hand, I've made a lot of decisions that have led to where I am today. But if we dig deeper, those decisions were made because of things other people did or said that impacted me. And even deeper than that, God has been guiding my path since before I was even conceived, though of course I've gone off track now and then when I don't make decisions that come from a place of following Him. So I guess, there have been times when I've taken control, but I am working every day to let God have control and do what He wants me to do.
Whew. I was only planning on answering 2-5 when I started, but those questions are cool! I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of the questions too!
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